Falling off the wagon

Soooooooo.........

I totally fell off the wagon. Disappeared. Vanished.

I'm not really sure why. I was busy this summer, working in my classroom, but that's not an excuse.

A lot has happened. I started a 'new' job as a classroom teacher. Our due date came and went without a baby. We still are trying and patiently (or at least trying to be patient) waiting for God to bless us with another baby.

It's been hard and I definitely regressed, in terms of the stages of grief. I was angry. Everything bothered me. People were being stupid. But, we got through it. Once I acknowledged what I was feeling and realized it, I let the anger go. Holding on to it wasn't going to change anything.

People say things happen for a reason. I do believe that God has a plan for each of us. Part of our plan involved one of the worst things parents can go through. Yet, I do know that there has been some good. Because I was not at home on maternity leave, I was able to start in a new classroom position.

I love it.

It's wonderful. I have an amazing class and they are so very precious. I know that God knew what I would need this year after going through our devastating loss. There have been difficult times and I probably will have some more. But, I can't help thinking that God has more in store in for us.

I have been getting little messages from my baby girl. Each day we walk to lunch. Most of the time, I see a butterfly or two flying around, following us. I like to think that she is just popping in to say, "Hi!" and let us know that she is doing just fine.